‫- PREVIOUSLY ON AWKWARD...
‫- CLASS RANKING?
‫JENNA, WHERE ARE YOU?
‫- T, I AM 137.
‫SO MATTY HAD COMPLETELY ‫REPLACED ME IN HIS LIFE.
‫- STOP MOPING OVER MATTY.
‫- DID YOU GET ANOTHER PHONE? ‫- THIS ONE'S AUTUMN'S.
‫- WHO'S AUTUMN? ‫- AUTUMN SAN DIEGO.
‫THE ONLINE PERSONA I CREATED ‫TO CATFISH JAKE.
‫- IT WAS MY FIRST COLLEGE ‫OVERNIGHT VISIT,
‫AND I HAD REINVENTION ‫ON MY MIND.
‫COLLEGE WAS THE END ‫OF JENNA HAMILTON, THAT GIRL,
‫AND THE BIRTH ‫OF JENNA HAMILTON, IT GIRL.
‫I COULD SEE MYSELF NOW, ‫ATTENDING LITERARY EVENTS,
‫TALKING BOOKS WITH CUTE BOYS,
‫BANTERING OVER COFFEE.
‫BUT FIRST, I HAD TO ‫ACE MY INTERVIEW AND GET IN.
‫- MAN, THIS PLACE IS ‫FULL OF MEMORIES--
‫KEGS AND EGGS, ‫FRISBEE GAMES IN THE QUAD,
‫CHILI-CHEESE MONSTER BURGERS.
‫BEST FOUR YEARS OF MY LIFE...
‫EXCEPT FOR EVERY YEAR ‫THAT I'VE SPENT WITH YOU.
‫- UH-HUH.
‫- OKAY, WHAT TIME ‫IS YOUR INTERVIEW?
‫- 9:30 TOMORROW MORNING.
‫- DING! DING! ‫CORRECT.
‫MINE'S AT 9:00.
‫SO WE'LL WAKE UP AT 8:00,
‫DO ONE LAST RUN THROUGH ‫OUR ANSWERS,
‫GET MAX CAFFED,
‫AND SHOW UP TEN MINUTES EARLY
‫TO SHOW THAT WE HAVE MINDS ‫FOR BUSINESS
‫EVEN IF WE ALSO HAVE BODS ‫FOR SIN.
‫- "BODS"? ‫- JENNA.
‫NOW IS NO TIME ‫FOR DISTRACTION ACTION.
‫ASK ME ONE OF THE QUESTIONS.
‫- "WHAT DO YOU THINK ‫YOU CAN BRING TO THE SCHOOL?"
‫- TALENT, AMBITION, ‫MINDFULNESS,
‫ABILITY, REFLECTION, ‫AND ACRONYMS.
‫TAMARA.
‫WHAT ABOUT YOU?
‫- I THINK MY WRITING SKILLS ‫WOULD BE AN ASSET,
‫AS WELL AS MY ‫LEADERSHIP QUALITIES--
‫- UGH, THEY SNOOZE, ‫YOU LOSE,
‫AND THAT ANSWER MAY AS WELL ‫HAVE BEEN AN AMBIEN.
‫YOU NEED TO GET ‫YOUR [bleep] TOGETHER.
‫IF WE DON'T GET ‫INTO THE SAME COLLEGE,
‫WE CAN'T BE ROOMMATES,
‫AND THEN IT'S ‫THE END OF JENNARA,
‫AND THEN IT IS ‫MURDER-SUICIDE TIME,
‫AND YOU KNOW I'M GONNA HAVE TO ‫DO ALL THE WORK ON THAT ONE.
‫- OH, LACE, LOOK.
‫OVER THERE, WE HAD THIS PARTY
‫COLUMBUS DAY WEEKEND ‫SOPHOMORE YEAR.
‫IT GOT CRAZY.
‫- "O" TO THE "M" ‫TO THE "F" TO THE "G."
‫THIS PLACE IS LIKE ‫A PINTEREST BOARD
‫FULL OF BANGABLE DUDES ‫JUST COME TO LIFE.
‫PIN. PIN. PIN. PIN.
‫- NOW WHO'S SUCCUMBING ‫TO DISTRACTION ACTION?
‫- YOU'RE RIGHT. ‫WE NEED TO GO HORSEY STYLE.
‫FOCUS ON THE TASK AT HAND.
‫COME ON.
‫- NOT SO FAST.
‫I BROUGHT A SPECIAL GIFT ‫TO HELP YOU FIT IN, HUH?
‫NOW YOU'LL BE THE SPITTING IMAGE ‫OF YOUR OLD MAN.
‫- I'M NOT SURE ‫THAT'S A GOOD THING.
‫- GREAT.
‫I'D GONE FROM ‫HOT INCOMING FRESHMAN
‫TO LARGE-SIZED LINEBACKER ‫IN 10 SECONDS FLAT.
‫THIS WAS THE HOTTEST GUY ‫I'D EVER SEEN.
‫HE MADE YOUNG ‫LEONARDO DICAPRIO
‫LOOK LIKE ‫OLD LEONARDO DICAPRIO.
‫- PIN.
‫PIN, PIN, PIN, PIN, PIN, ‫PIN, PIN, PIN, PIN.
‫- HEY, WANT TO GO ‫TO A PARTY TONIGHT?
‫- SORRY. ‫INVITE ONLY.
‫[keys clacking, thud]
‫- IT'S NOT THAT I DON'T LOVE
‫HEARING YOU SING OFF-KEY ‫TO IMAGINE DRAGONS,
‫BUT ANY IDEA WHEN YOU'RE GONNA ‫HAVE YOUR CAR AGAIN?
‫- * PROBABLY TWO MONTHS ‫FROM NEVER *
‫MY PARENTS ARE SO PISSED ‫I TOTALED MY CAR.
‫- YEAH, IT WAS PRETTY ‫STUPID OF US.
‫- WE WERE HAVING FUN, MAN. ‫[bleep] THEM.
‫- [laughs]
‫DUDE, WHAT IS YOUR DEAL?
‫EVERY DAY, YOU'RE, LIKE, ‫TWO SECONDS AWAY
‫FROM GOING BEAST MODE.
‫- NOTHING.
‫- MATTHEW, WHAT'S WRONG?
‫- WHAT IS THAT, ‫YOUR OPRAH FACE?
‫- UGH. ‫ALL RIGHT, FINE.
‫I'M--
‫[cell phone vibrates] ‫- HOLD THAT THOUGHT.
‫OH, SORRY. ‫I THOUGHT IT MIGHT BE AUTUMN.
‫WE'VE BEEN TEXTING EACH OTHER ‫EVERY DAY.
‫SHE'S REALLY COOL.
‫- LOOK AT THESE CLASSES--
‫"WOMEN'S STUDIES 113.
‫"FROM CLEOPATRA ‫TO ANGELINA JOLIE.
‫POWER BITCHES THROUGH THE AGES."
‫THIS IS THE PERFECT SCHOOL ‫FOR ME.
‫- WHILE TAMARA WAS OBSESSING ‫ABOUT THE COURSE CATALOG,
‫I WAS CATALOGUING ‫MY INSECURITIES.
‫THIS PLACE SEEMED AWESOME, ‫BUT COULD I REALLY GET IN?
‫- OKAY, NEXT STOP ON OUR TOUR.
‫- EVERY TIME ONE OF MY BROS ‫PASSED A FINAL,
‫WE'D STREAK THROUGH THIS QUAD ‫AND THEN JUMP IN THAT FOUNTAIN.
‫I PUKED IN THOSE BUSHES ‫AND THOSE ONES...
‫OH, AND THOSE ONES RIGHT THERE-- ‫- WE GET IT, KEVIN.
‫YOU WENT TO COLLEGE.
‫- ON OUR RIGHT, ‫WE HAVE THE ENGLISH DEPARTMENT.
‫DO WE HAVE ANY WRITERS ‫IN THE GROUP?
‫COOL. ‫WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO WRITE?
‫- OH, I'M NOT THE WRITER, ‫BUT MY DAUGHTER IS.
‫I KNOW, I KNOW.
‫HOW CAN I BE OLD ENOUGH ‫TO HAVE A 17-YEAR-OLD?
‫BUT I WAS YOUNG AND DUMB,
‫AND YOU KNOW IT JUST TAKES ‫ONE TIME WITHOUT A CONDOM.
‫- OKAY.
‫WELL...
‫- JENNA. ‫- JENNA.
‫A LOT OF GREAT WRITERS ‫HAVE GONE HERE.
‫WHO ARE YOUR FAVORITE AUTHORS?
‫- I KNOW THIS.
‫I KNOW THIS.
‫I'M A WRITER.
‫OF COURSE I KNOW ‫MY FAVORITE AUTHORS.
‫SO WHY WAS GARFIELD ‫THE ONLY WORD I COULD THINK OF?
‫HE'S NOT EVEN AN AUTHOR. ‫HE'S A CAT.
‫OH, GOD.
‫- OF COURSE, WRITERS ‫ARE ALWAYS THE SILENT TYPE.
‫STRAIGHT AHEAD, ‫YOU'LL SEE THE STUDENT UNION.
‫- YOU'RE GOING TO GET ‫THROUGH THIS.
‫I CALLED YOU IN HERE ‫BECAUSE I'M CONCERNED.
‫YOU'VE BEEN DISTANT.
‫YOU'RE SKIPPING SCHOOL. ‫YOU QUIT YOUR JOB.
‫I'VE SEEN THESE SIGNS BEFORE.
‫YOU DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE.
‫YOU'RE QUESTIONING EVERYTHING
‫YOU THOUGHT YOU KNEW ‫ABOUT YOURSELF.
‫YOU'RE GAY.
‫- WHAT?
‫NO. NO, I'M NOT. ‫- IT'S OKAY, SWEETHEART.
‫YOU DON'T HAVE TO PRETEND.
‫I MEAN, WHY ELSE WOULD YOU WORK ‫AT PRESTON & BOONE?
‫- THAT WAS JUST A JOB.
‫- OKAY, AND 2 BOYS, 1 BUTT ‫IS JUST A MOVIE.
‫LOOK, IT GETS BETTER.
‫THIS IS AN AMAZING TIME ‫TO BE GAY.
‫JUST LOOK AT THAT ELLEN LADY.
‫JUST BE CAREFUL.
‫A CUPCAKE LIKE YOU COULD GET ‫EATEN ALIVE OUT THERE.
‫- AGAIN, UH, NOT GAY.
‫- OF COURSE NOT.
‫LET'S TALK ANDERSON COOPER.
‫- WELL, THAT'S THE END ‫OF THE TOUR.
‫FOR THOSE OF YOU ‫STAYING OVERNIGHT,
‫YOUR HOSTS ARE WAITING ‫OVER THERE TO MEET YOU.
‫- AFTER MY TOUR DE HUMILIATION,
‫ALL I WANTED TO DO ‫WAS NEVER SEE LUKE AGAIN.
‫BUT IF I WANTED TO PROVE MYSELF ‫WORTHY OF ADMISSION,
‫I NEEDED TO FACE MY FEARS,
‫EVEN IF I DID NEED ‫A BOOST OF CONFIDENCE FIRST.
‫IT WAS TIME TO BREAK THE ICE.
‫LUKE...
‫WILLIAM FAULKNER, JOAN DIDION,
‫AND I'M NOT ASHAMED TO SAY
‫THAT I HAVE READ EVERYTHING ‫BY V.C. ANDREWS.
‫- NICE HIGH-LOW BLEND.
‫A WOMAN AFTER MY OWN HEART. ‫- REALLY?
‫I FEEL LIKE YOU HAVE ‫AN ENTIRE BOOKSHELF
‫FULL OF MURAKAMI ‫AND MARTIN AMIS.
‫- SURE, ON THE TOP SHELF.
‫ONCE YOU GET TO THE BOTTOM,
‫THERE'S AN AWFUL LOT ‫OF DAN BROWN.
‫- WE ARE GOING TO BE ‫TOTALLY BASKIN ROBBINS TONIGHT.
‫- 31 FLAVORS OF FUN? ‫- DUH.
‫OH, MY GOD, ‫COME TO THE PARTY TONIGHT
‫MY SORORITY'S CO-HOSTING ‫WITH THE LAMBDA DELTA RHO BOYS.
‫THE THEME IS TIGHT AND BRIGHT.
‫- THAT'S MY FAVORITE LOOK.
‫- I'M THE PRESIDENT.
‫- OH, MY GOD, ‫I'M A PRESIDENT TOO.
‫- [gasps]
‫- HEY, YOU SHOULD STOP BY
‫THIS FUND-RAISER TONIGHT.
‫THE LITERACY CENTER--
‫MY BAND AC/V.C. ANDREWS ‫IS PLAYING.
‫- CAN'T RESIST A GOOD PUN.
‫I'LL TRY TO MAKE IT. ‫- DO THAT.
‫- HEY, SHOULDN'T YOU BE ‫AT CHEER PRACTICE?
‫- NOT UNLESS I WANT TO RALPH!
‫HAVE YOU SEEN LISSA'S FACE ‫WHEN SHE CALLS OUT CHEERS?
‫BARF CITY.
‫AND I CAN'T EVEN BONE ‫MY SORROWS AWAY,
‫BECAUSE AUSTIN'S AWAY
‫AT SOME DUMBASS ROBOTICS ‫COMPETITION ALL WEEKEND.
‫LIFE SUCKS.
‫- TELL ME ABOUT IT.
‫AUTUMN HASN'T RESPONDED ‫TO MY TEXTS ALL DAY.
‫USUALLY WE'RE ‫IN CONSTANT CONTACT.
‫THIS HARD TO GET...
‫IT'S DRIVING ME CRAZY. ‫- THAT IS IT.
‫NO MORE WALLOWING. ‫LET'S DO SOMETHING FUN TONIGHT.
‫MY MOM'S OUT OF TOWN. ‫WHY DON'T YOU GUYS COME OVER?
‫- I THOUGHT YOU WERE GROUNDED. ‫- WHO'S LEAVING THE HOUSE?
‫- I'M IN.
‫WHEN'S THE LAST TIME ‫THE THREE OF US HUNG OUT?
‫- AWESOME, OKAY. ‫COME OVER AROUND 9:00?
‫- YOU GUYS HAVING A PARTY? ‫I CAN BRING THE BOOZE.
‫I HAVE THIS HUGE STASH ‫OF CRISTAL LEFT OVER
‫FROM WHEN I WAS DATING ‫THIS DUMB WANNABE RAPPER.
‫- WE CAN GET OUR OWN ALCOHOL. ‫THANKS.
‫- NO, EVA, YOU SHOULD COME.
‫- REALLY? ‫I DON'T WANT TO INTRUDE.
‫- I'M SO SURE. ‫- WE'D LOVE IT.
‫- AWESOME. I'LL SEE YOU THEN. ‫- OKAY.
‫- WHY DID YOU DO THAT?
‫THAT GIRL IS ‫A STRAIGHT-UP CREEPER.
‫SHE'S ALWAYS ‫UP IN EVERYONE'S BUSINESS.
‫- WHO'S A CREEPER? ‫WHO'S UP IN EVERYONE'S BUSINESS?
‫- I KNOW YOU WANTED TO GO ‫TO THAT FUND-RAISER,
‫BUT THAT IDEA GIVES ME A SAD.
‫ANYWAY, WE HAVE TO ‫START THINKING
‫WHAT SORORITY ‫WE WANT TO PLEDGE,
‫BECAUSE WE DO NOT ‫WANT TO BE GREEK GEEKS.
‫- MAYBE T HAD A POINT.
‫THIS WAS OUR FIRST ‫COLLEGE PARTY--
‫DRINKING WINE, ‫BOYS IN BLAZERS,
‫SMART CONVERSATIONS ‫ABOUT POLITICS
‫AND ART WITH A CAPITAL "A," ‫AND--
‫- HEY, EVERYBODY, ‫EDWARD FORTYHANDS!
‫WHOO!
‫- MY DREAMS ‫OF COLLEGIATE SOPHISTICATION
‫HAD BEEN POPPED LIKE SO MANY ‫BOTTLES OF OFF-BRAND VODKA,
‫WHICH, ALONG WITH ‫WATERY BEER,
‫WAS ALL THERE WAS TO DRINK ‫AT THIS PARTY.
‫- BUT REALLY, BEING A KAPS GAMS ‫IS ALL ABOUT TRADITIONS--
‫YOU KNOW, PANCAKE BREAKFASTS, ‫FORMALS, MATCHING TATTOOS.
‫I MEAN, LIKE, ‫ISN'T IT ALL TO DIE FOR.
‫- DEATH HAS NEVER SOUNDED ‫SO GOOD.
‫- YOUR SORORITY IS AMAZE-TITS.
‫VODKA PLUS GIRL TALK ‫PLUS COMMUNAL CLOSET
‫EQUALS HAPPY TAMARA.
‫- OH, MY GOD, YOU HAVE TO RUSH ‫KAPPA GAMMA.
‫YOU ARE, LIKE, ‫THE PERFECT SISTER.
‫- I'M GONNA GO ‫TO THE LITERACY FUND-RAISER.
‫- OH.
‫OKAY, I'LL COME WITH YOU.
‫- NO, NO, THAT'S OKAY.
‫YOU'RE HAVING FUN HERE. ‫STAY.
‫- ARE YOU SURE?
‫- YES.
‫IN HIGH SCHOOL,
‫TAMARA AND I WERE ALWAYS ‫ON THE SAME PAGE.
‫EVEN IF WE GET ‫INTO THE SAME SCHOOL,
‫WAS THIS THE END OF JENNARA?
‫- OOH!
‫POUR ME A SHOT.
‫- SERIOUSLY, ‫WHY HASN'T AUTUMN TEXTED YET?
‫DO YOU THINK ‫SHE'S WITH ANOTHER GUY?
‫- I'VE GOT TO 'GRAM THIS.
‫ANYWAY, THAT'S THE LAST TIME ‫I PARTIED AT BUTTER.
‫- THAT WAS AN AMAZING STORY. ‫- YEAH.
‫SO AMAZING I THINK IT ‫WAS JUST ACTUALLY
‫A RETOLD EPISODE ‫OF GOSSIP GIRL.
‫- THAT SHOW IS REALLY ‫TRUE TO LIFE.
‫I GUESS IF YOU'VE NEVER ‫BEEN TO NEW YORK,
‫IT'D BE KIND OF HARD ‫TO BELIEVE,
‫BUT FOR US NEW YORKERS, ‫IT ACTUALLY SEEMED KIND OF TAME.
‫NO, YOU'RE NOT TAME.
‫YOU'RE A WILD MAN. ‫I CAN TELL.
‫- OH, YEAH? ‫- FOR SURE.
‫- OH, YEAH. ‫WILD OLD MATTY MCKITTEN.
‫[laughter]
‫- MCKITTEN.
‫OH, MY--I TOTALLY FORGOT ‫ABOUT THAT.
‫RAWR! ‫- [hisses]
‫- WHAT'S MCKITTEN?
‫- INSIDE JOKE.
‫- YOU KNOW WHAT'S CRAZY
‫IS THAT THERE'S A HOT TUB ‫RIGHT THERE
‫AND WE'RE NOT ALL IN IT.
‫- YES! ‫HOT TUB.
‫GREAT. ‫SADIE?
‫- I WOULD, ‫BUT I DON'T HAVE MY SUIT.
‫- WHO NEEDS ONE?
‫- OKAY.
‫- OH, WOW.
‫- SADIE, I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND ‫IF YOU DON'T FEEL COMFORTABLE.
‫- WHY WOULDN'T I?
‫- DAMN, SADIE.
‫- THAT'S WHAT I LOVE ‫ABOUT THE SOUTH OF FRANCE.
‫EVERYONE'S TOPLESS.
‫THEY'RE NOT PRUDES ‫LIKE AMERICANS.
‫SADIE, I REALLY ADMIRE ‫HOW COMFORTABLE YOU ARE
‫WITH YOUR BODY.
‫YOU'RE SO BRAVE. ‫- I'M NOT BRAVE.
‫I HAVE AMAZING TITS,
‫UNLIKE YOU ‫AND YOUR SAD FLOPPERS.
‫- HEY, YOU MADE IT.
‫- WOULDN'T MISS ‫AC/V.C. ANDREWS.
‫- TOTALLY.
‫WAIT. YOU KNOW ‫THAT WAS A JOKE, RIGHT?
‫- YEAH, YEAH.
‫BUT YOU'RE TOTALLY MISSING OUT
‫ON AN OPPORTUNITY FOR A SONG ‫CALLED FOR THOSE ABOUT TO READ.
‫- YOU READ ME ALL NIGHT LONG.
‫- HIGHWAY TO THE ATTIC.
‫THAT ONE-- ‫THAT ONE WAS A STRETCH.
‫- HEY, UH, ‫I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
‫- UH-OH. WAS IT MY PUN ‫THAT SENT LUKE RUNNING,
‫OR WAS HE JUST DISTRACTED ‫BY A SHINIER OBJECT?
‫UGH, WERE COLLEGE GUYS ‫JUST VARSITY HIGH-SCHOOL BOYS?
‫[applause]
‫- GROWING UP, MY MOM HAD ‫TO WORK MULTIPLE JOBS
‫JUST TO KEEP THE LIGHTS ON,
‫AND THERE WASN'T ‫A LOT OF SPARE TIME
‫TO HELP ME LEARN HOW TO READ.
‫PROGRAMS LIKE THIS HELPED ME ‫LEARN TO LOVE BOOKS,
‫AND I AM SO PROUD ‫TO BE PASSING IT ON
‫TO THE NEXT GENERATION,
‫ALONG WITH MY LOVE ‫OF BAD PUNS.
‫- WATCHING LUKE ‫SPEAK ELOQUENTLY,
‫I COULDN'T BELIEVE ‫HOW SEXY A SPEECH COULD BE.
‫COLLEGE GUYS WEREN'T ‫VARSITY HIGH-SCHOOL BOYS.
‫COLLEGE GUYS WERE ‫A WHOLE DIFFERENT BALL GAME.
‫- HOW WAS THAT ‫DOUBLE MONSTER BURGER?
‫- GREAT.
‫[groans] ‫I THINK I NEED TO LIE DOWN.
‫- SO WHERE ARE WE GOING NEXT?
‫THAT TIKI BAR ON MAIN STREET ‫LOOKED FUN.
‫OOH, MAYBE DANCING.
‫HMM.
‫KEVIN.
‫KEVIN!
‫- OH, I GOT TO PASS.
‫I'M IN THE MAGIC ZONE,
‫AND I DO NOT WANT TO HIT ‫HANGOVER CITY--POPULATION, T.
‫OR WORSE, ‫CRUISE INTO THE YAK ZONE.
‫- OH, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
‫IT'S TOTALLY FINE.
‫THE TRICK IS TO KEEP A TALLY ‫OF HOW MANY YOU DRINK.
‫HERE.
‫[both giggle]
‫OOH, SORRY.
‫[both gasp]
‫OH, MY GOD, MRS. HAMIL--
‫- SHH!
‫- THAT'S THE BEST PART ‫ABOUT COLLEGE.
‫YOU GET EXPOSED ‫TO ALL THESE COOL PEOPLE,
‫LIKE PRETTY GIRLS ‫WITH KILLER TASTE IN BOOKS.
‫DO YOU WANT TO GET ‫OUT OF HERE?
‫- I ABSOLUTELY DO.
‫[drum roll]
‫[all cheer]
‫- WE SHOULD DO MORE SHOTS. ‫- YOU GOT IT.
‫- BOOP!
‫- TO NEW FRIENDS.
‫OH, PARTY FOUL.
‫- OKAY.
‫TIME FOR BED FOR YOU.
‫- SADIE, I CAN PUT HIM TO BED.
‫- I'M SURE ‫YOU'D LOVE THE CHANCE,
‫BUT YOU'VE DONE ENOUGH.
‫COME ON, MATTY.
‫- ALL RIGHT.
‫- IT'S JUST A LITTLE CATFISHING. ‫IT'S TOTALLY NO BIG DEAL.
‫OH, MY BUTT'S BUZZING.
‫- OH, BUMMER.
‫HE TEXTED AUTUMN ‫BEFORE HE TEXTED YOU.
‫- BUT HE TEXTED ME--
‫ME, TAMARA, NOT JUST AUTUMN.
‫IT'S TIME TO CELEBRATE.
‫[both laugh]
‫- I'LL BE RIGHT BACK ‫WITH SOME WATER.
‫TRY NOT TO PUKE ON YOURSELF.
‫- [sighs] ‫OKAY.
‫DRINK THIS.
‫OH, NOT TOO FAST.
‫- SADIE, YOU ARE SO NICE TO ME.
‫YOU KNOW, EVERYONE THINKS ‫YOU'RE SO MEAN,
‫AND YOU ARE, ‫BUT YOU ARE SO NICE TO ME.
‫- OKAY, DRUNKY. ‫- YOU ARE.
‫YOU'RE SO NICE, ‫AND YOU ARE SO PRETTY.
‫[laughs]
‫- OH.
‫- SO PRETTY.
‫HEY, WHY DIDN'T ‫WE EVER HOOK UP?
‫- OH, MY GOD. ‫ARE YOU SERIOUS?
‫I TRIED.
‫DON'T YOU REMEMBER PASSING OUT ‫THAT NEW YEAR'S EVE?
‫- OH, THAT WAS DUMB.
‫THAT WAS-- ‫OH, THAT WAS SO DUMB.
‫IT WAS A BIG REGRET.
‫- REALLY? ‫- MM-HMM.
‫THE BIGGEST.
‫- EW! ‫- [spits]
‫IT'S LIKE KISSING MY SISTER...
‫[both laugh]
‫WHICH, FOR ALL I KNOW, ‫YOU COULD BE.
‫- WHAT?
‫- I'M ADOPTED.
‫- SURE, MCKIBBEN. ‫- NO, IT GETS BETTER.
‫MY PARENTS-- ‫THEY NEVER TOLD ME.
‫- OH, MY GOD.
‫- YEAH.
‫- DO THEY KNOW YOU KNOW?
‫- THEY LIED TO ME ‫MY WHOLE LIFE,
‫SO WHY SHOULD I TELL THEM ‫THE TRUTH?
‫IT JUST SUCKS.
‫- I KNOW.
‫I KNOW. ‫I'M SORRY.
‫- HEY, WHAT'S A SEVEN-LETTER ‫WORD FOR PALS,
‫STARTS WITH A "C"?
‫- WAKING UP ‫WITH A HIGH-SCHOOL BOY,
‫YOU SCRAMBLE ‫TO PULL YOUR CLOTHES ON
‫AND GET HOME BEFORE CURFEW.
‫WAKING UP WITH A COLLEGE BOY,
‫COFFEE AND CROSSWORDS.
‫I COULD GET USED TO THIS.
‫"CRONIES." ‫- AH.
‫YOU'RE A GENIUS.
‫YOU'RE TOTALLY GONNA ACE ‫THAT INTERVIEW.
‫- OH, MY GOD.
‫WHAT TIME IS IT?
‫- 8:30.
‫- I SHOULD GO.
‫I KNEW THE SCORE.
‫I DIDN'T NEED TO DTR,
‫BECAUSE THIS "R" ‫WAS ALREADY D'D.
‫THIS WAS A ONE-NIGHT THING, ‫AND THAT'S OKAY.
‫- HEY, I'M GONNA BE ‫IN PALOS VERDES LATER THIS WEEK.
‫I'D LOVE TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
‫- I'D LIKE THAT.
‫- THEN IT'S A DATE.
‫- OKAY, THAT LAST PART ‫WAS A LIE.
‫THIS IS WAY BETTER.
‫[cell phone vibrates]
‫- [coughs]
‫[groans]
‫OW, OW, OW, OW.
‫[bleep]!
‫OW, THAT HURT.
‫- REALLY? ‫WALK OF SHAME?
‫AREN'T YOU A LITTLE OLD ‫FOR THAT?
‫- [bleep]. ‫LISTEN, NOTHING HAPPENED.
‫- I WASN'T WORRIED ABOUT THAT. ‫- AND WHY IS THAT?
‫BECAUSE LET ME TELL YOU, ‫I HAD QUITE A FEW OPPORTUNITIES.
‫- LACEY, ‫I TRUST YOU COMPLETELY.
‫I'M JUST...
‫I'M A LITTLE DISAPPOINTED.
‫- OH, PLEASE. ‫ARE YOU PARENTING ME?
‫BECAUSE EW.
‫- WE'RE ADULTS, LACEY.
‫- I'M WELL AWARE ‫OF THAT, KEVIN.
‫- WHICH MEANS THAT WE DON'T ‫STAY OUT ALL NIGHT.
‫HOW WOULD IT LOOK ‫FOR JENNA IF--
‫- OH, YOU KNOW WHAT?
‫SHUT UP.
‫- EXCUSE ME?
‫- YOU HAD FOUR YEARS ‫OF DOING THIS.
‫I NEVER GOT TO GO TO COLLEGE,
‫AND I NEVER GOT TO BE ‫IRRESPONSIBLE,
‫BECAUSE I WAS BUSY ‫RAISING OUR DAUGHTER.
‫SO I THINK I DESERVE ‫ONE GOD DAMN NIGHT
‫OF THE COLLEGE EXPERIENCE.
‫AND FURTHERMORE,
‫I JUST GOT IN ‫FROM SIX HOURS OF FOREPLAY
‫WITH SOME VERY HOT ‫COLLEGE GUYS,
‫SO SOMEBODY BETTER ‫FINISH ME OFF,
‫AND I MEAN PRONTO.
‫- SO, MISS KAPLAN,
‫WHAT DO YOU THINK ‫YOU CAN BRING TO THIS SCHOOL?
‫- UH...
‫T...
‫ACRONYMS.
‫TAMARA.
‫- I'M NOT SURE I UNDERSTAND.
‫WHAT ARE THOSE MARKS ‫ON YOUR ARM?
‫- THESE ARE REMINDERS
‫OF ALL THE WAYS I WOULD BE ‫AN ASSET TO THIS SCHOOL.
‫THERE ARE...
‫OH, GOD, 12 MARKS-- ‫WAYS.
‫THERE ARE 12 WAYS.
‫- AND WHAT ARE THOSE WAYS?
‫- WELL, THE FIRST IS, UM...
‫UM...
‫OH, GOD, WHAT IS THAT?
‫- OH, THAT.
‫[retching quietly]
‫IT'S JUST MY HARVARD DIPLOMA.
‫- AND THAT'S WHEN I REALIZED
‫THAT THE TRANSFORMATIVE POWER ‫OF LITERATURE
‫IS NOTHING WITHOUT LITERACY.
‫IF I'M ACCEPTED HERE,
‫I WANT TO VOLUNTEER ‫AT THE LITERACY CENTER
‫TO PASS ON WHAT I'VE LEARNED ‫TO THE NEXT GENERATION.
‫- THAT'S FANTASTIC.
‫I HAVE TO TELL YOU, ‫MISS HAMILTON.
‫YOU SEEM ‫LIKE AN EXCELLENT FIT.
‫[camera shutter clicks]
‫- HEY.
‫HOW WAS YOUR INTERVIEW? ‫- KILLED IT.
‫BUT THIS SCHOOL ISN'T THAT FUN.
‫I DON'T THINK I WANT TO GO HERE ‫AFTER ALL.
‫- I THINK I DO.
‫BEFORE THIS WEEKEND,
‫I PICTURED COLLEGE ‫AS HIGH SCHOOL BUT BETTER--
‫T AND I IN ‫A PERMANENT SLUMBER PARTY,
‫MY PARENTS ‫HUNDREDS OF MILES AWAY.
‫AFTER THIS WEEKEND, ‫IT WAS CLEAR
‫COLLEGE WOULDN'T BE ANYTHING ‫LIKE THE WAY I PICTURED IT.
‫[cell phone vibrates]
‫[engine turning over]
‫IT WOULD BE EVEN BETTER.
‫- NEXT ON AWKWARD...
‫- THE MR. PHHS PAGEANT ‫IS IN FIVE DAYS.
‫- ARE YOU COMING ‫TO JENNA'S PAGEANT?
‫- MOM. ‫- I'D LOVE TO COME.
‫- AH. ‫- GREAT.
‫- YOU SAID ‫YOU WERE DONE CATFISHING.
‫- ALMOST. ‫- THINGS ARE GETTING INTENSE.
‫I'M REALLY INTO HER. ‫- YOU'VE NEVER EVEN MET HER.
‫- HELLO? ‫- AUTUMN, DID YOU HEAR MY SONG?
‫- I LOVED IT.
‫- IT'S YOU.